How to make new friends after school
School made friendship automatic: you saw the same people every day. After that, you have to create the repetition yourself. Friends usually come from seeing the same people again and again, not from one great conversation.
Start this week
Your first 3 steps
- 1
Find one weekly group near you: a class, club, rec league, gym class or volunteer shift
20 min · Done when: You've picked one group that meets weekly
Weekly groups give you repeated time with the same people, which is how friendships form.
- 2
Sign up or mark the first date in your calendar
10 min · Done when: You're signed up or the date is set
A date on the calendar turns "I should" into a plan.
- 3
Text one person you've lost touch with and suggest a specific plan
5 min · Done when: One message sent with a day and an idea
Reconnecting is easier than starting from zero, and a specific plan gets a yes more often than "we should hang out."
Pursivon reminds you each morning and builds the rest of your plan.
Your first 4 weeks
Week 1
Go to your weekly group for the first time. Say hi to two people.
Week 2
Go again. Learn one person's name and ask them something about themselves.
Week 3
Suggest a small plan with someone from the group: coffee after, or the next event together.
Week 4
Keep going weekly. Invite the people you click with to something outside the group.
Mistakes that stop most people
- Going once and deciding it didn't work. Friendship takes repeated time.
- Waiting for others to invite you. Most people are waiting too.
- Only trying apps. In-person groups where you see people repeatedly work better for many people.
Get steps for your situation
Common questions
Where can I meet people after college or high school?
Rec sports, gym classes, volunteering, community classes, hobby groups, religious communities, and coworkers.
How long does it take to make a friend?
Friendships usually grow over many hangouts. Showing up to the same weekly thing speeds it up a lot.
What if I'm shy?
Choose activities with something to do together, like a class or sport, so conversation happens around the activity.